walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
