Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
