Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
