She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
