We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Life without a bra equals bliss.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
