try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
