i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
