last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Randomize
