I'm lost and stupid without you.
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
