Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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