are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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