I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
