Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
