Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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