her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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