Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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