I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize