Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
