At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
