New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I supernannyed him into submission
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
