dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
BRING THE BAGELS
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize