And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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