Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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