she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize