3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
