did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
