My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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