just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
