I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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