i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
