dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
