His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
