I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
