Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
