oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
