did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
