can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Randomize
