He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
