i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
