i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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