I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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