Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
It's shark week go big or go home
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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