He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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