She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
