Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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