their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
