Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
