4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
she smelled like a LAN party
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize