I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
