Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
