the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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