I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I will die if light touches me.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
