never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
