I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
