Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
