Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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