i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
so let's talk penis.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
