Moan for me like Helen Keller
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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