I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
