Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
