Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Randomize