Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
