Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
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